Ummm.

You know how it is,
When the walls start to rise
And the skies cave in
And whines turns to sighs?

You know how it is,
When your space starts to shrink,
And you think you're in control,
Until your heart starts to sink?

You know how it is
When you really want to fight,
But then everything's in order
And symmetry starts to bite?


You know how it is,
When fresh turns to brown
And you try so hard to smile
But realize that was a frown

You know how it is
When your thoughts turn numb,
And you really want to write
But the words just wont come
And you really want to talk -
But Urrgh - Godddamn this writers block :|

Phew!

Today was a very important day.
I took my last sessional today. After 120 sessionals, unlimited vivas, internal and external pracs.. I have a revelation.

I am amazed. At myself. At just how much I had to push myself, to study for this one sessional.. I refused to read a word that wasn't in points, in my 'photustats'.. "Because that's not important and that won't come."

And there was a time when I used to read because I wanted to. Hell, I even used to re-read. I used to underline my answers and highlight important points and do the paper with a 'nice pen'.. Hahah. I used to remember points and I also remember quite specifically that I hated writing out of context. To think that now I write entire answers which are absolutely out of context.. Wow, that's change.

I know this is a very omg-you're-such-a-kid-and-you-should-go-to-school statement to make but, I'm not sure I like this change. I wish it could be fun to study again.

I've loved these four years, for whatever their worth, but still I feel useless, like maybe if I could've done something more worthwhile.. They've been inexplicably random, to say the least. Like the misty haze on the window pane when it rains.. the one that you write your name in with podgy fingers. And watch as racing raindrops clear it all out with callous confidence.

It's clearing up. Way too fast though.