Monday, March 15, 2010

No Phony Love, This One!

Today is a historic day.
A wonderful relationship has come to an end.
I have finally done away with my 1000 years old Nokia 1100.

He was a good friend.
He stood up for me always. A lot of times, when I have been lonely and curt, not so lonely and very talkitive, he has been a mute spectator to my idiosyncratic randomness. He has watched, as I fought with others and punched him in return.. He has watched as I dived my nails into his skin and smiled at his face, only to be passing a text on to someone else. He has been privy to my insanity, watched all my phony antics, has even, almost-been-flushed once. He has truly stood the test of time, friendship and loyalty. I love him.

And as I put him to rest today, I feel a strange emptiness that wont fill up for a really long time to come. Because he is was, is and always will be the best phone ever. And nothing - no fancy phone, no frilly features, no 20 MP cameras, no 50 GB space can match up to the endearing simplicity of his being.
Some things are truly irreplaceable.

All said and done, however, you are in a sorry state of affairs, my friend. You have been surgically treated twice, have (VDS) voice distortion syndrome, severe skin rashes, and a very acute form of Alzheimer's. Your memory status of 50 phone contacts is defying your age and testing my patience. The recent gash on your keypad is bleeding like a seasonal river and this time, doctors tell me, there is no possibilty of yet another plastic surgery. You know what that means. Ab tumhein dawa nahi hai, dua ki zaroorat hai, mere dost. Of course, until that happens, I've to type without spaces and talk without punching numbers containing zero. Because your zero key, as much as I ignore it, is now a gaping black hole.. Last time I knived my scooter key inside, to literally 'knock' out the letter.

But still, you are by far, the healthiest (at your age), most loved and the most unflinchingly devoted phone I've ever had. Or ever will have.
R.I.P, my friend. I love you.


  1. hahahaaahaha...
    love it, as usual...

    u r really good... here's an ode.. you get some of my facebook space.

    Hope your love does find a place in phone-heaven ! :)

  2. Never did you drop him... never ??
    The obituary does not talks about these 'lows' that you shared with him.... :D

  3. Hahaha!
    Yeah, I have.
    I am responsible for a lot of the bruises, scratches,and cuts that he has! But that was an everyday affair.. so I guess it just slipped out of mind while writing!

  4. dude.. good job.. impressive piece there... seemed totally Pro... i feel i am being unfair by paying you so little :P .. but i'll kill that thought in my mind and continue paying u peanuts :D.. YAY for awesomeness :P

    Keep up the good work :)

  5. Loved it!! hilarious as usual...


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